{"id":1137,"date":"2020-03-31T00:19:00","date_gmt":"2020-03-31T00:19:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.andreaneag.com\/?p=1137"},"modified":"2020-03-31T10:08:11","modified_gmt":"2020-03-31T10:08:11","slug":"supararea-nu-duce-la-nimic","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blog.andreaneag.com\/?p=1137","title":{"rendered":"Sup\u0103rarea? Nu duce la nimic!"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Suntem aproape de finalul seriei de articole dedicate celor cinci principii care ne vor \u00eembun\u0103t\u0103\u021bi rela\u021bia cu proprii copii. Azi, despre sup\u0103rare: la ce e bun\u0103, dac\u0103 e bun\u0103, unde duce, ce facem cu ea. Adic\u0103 principiul num\u0103rul 4. Despre cel\u0103lalte principii po\u021bi g\u0103si detalii aici : <a href=\"https:\/\/blog.andreaneag.com\/?p=1132\">https:\/\/blog.andreaneag.com\/?p=1132<\/a> . <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u00cencep cu o m\u0103rturisire: acest principiu este preferatul meu! \u00centr-o vreme eram p\u0103rintele care se credea \u00eendrept\u0103\u021bit \u00een sup\u0103rare: f\u0103cea copilul o boac\u0103n\u0103: Hop! si eu cu sup\u0103rarea. F\u0103cea copilul o tr\u0103znaie?Hop! \u0219i eu : \u201edar cum nu \u00een\u021belege c\u0103 nu e bine? doar i-am explicat de at\u00e2tea ori!?!?!Nu se poate a\u0219a ceva&#8230;\u00eei ar\u0103t eu acum sup\u0103rare!\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\"><p>S\u0103 v\u0103 mai spun c\u00e2\u021bi nervi aiurea m-a costat atitudinea asta? c\u00e2t timp pierdut pe care nu l-am mai recuperat \u00een vecii vecilor? Nu, nu v\u0103 spun. Dar chiar s-au dovedit a fi demersuri inutile. \u0218i cum nu m\u0103 sim\u021beam fericit\u0103 ca mam\u0103 av\u00e2nd atitudinea acesta, am hotar\u00e2t c\u0103 e momentul s\u0103 schimb ceva: la mine. Nu citisem atunci cartea lui Gabor Mate, c\u0103 sigur mi-ar fi fost mai clar \u0219i mai u\u0219or.  Dar nu e cazul s\u0103 te chinui \u0219i tu. Po\u021bi prelua direct ideile salvatoare si s\u0103 le pui \u00een practic\u0103. <\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>\u00cen primul r\u00e2nd, <\/strong>este absolut imposibil evitarea sentimentului de sup\u0103rare. Asta este! accept\u0103m c\u0103 din c\u00e2nd ne vom sup\u0103ra. Este nerealist s\u0103 credem c\u0103 vom fi mereu calmi, Zen, fower-power, roz cu nori\u0219ori.  Nu suntem Sfin\u021bi de\u0219i ce bine ar fi s\u0103 avem r\u0103bdarea Lor. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>\u00cen al doilea r\u00e2nd, <\/strong>c\u00e2nd sim\u021bi c\u0103 te cuprinde furia, ia o pauz\u0103! Po\u021bi chiar s\u0103 \u00eei spui pruncului pe care ai vrea s\u0103 \u00eel aghe\u021bi \u00een cuiul de pe perete: \u201e Sunt foarte agitat\/\u0103 acum. Am nevoie de o pauz\u0103!\u201d Dac\u0103 te g\u00e2nde\u0219ti s\u0103 \u00eel \u00eenve\u021bi pe copil vreo lectie util\u0103 atunci c\u00e2nd e\u0219ti st\u0103p\u00e2nit de furie, nervi, este un g\u00e2nd inutil. \u00cen amestecul de stres, ru\u0219ine &#8211; pe care \u00eel simte copilul- plus furia pe care o sim\u021bi tu, este absolut imposibil\u0103 \u00eenv\u0103\u021barea. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>\u00cen al treilea r\u00e2nd<\/strong>, ca s\u0103 pricepi exact ce se \u00eent\u00e2mpl\u0103, e nevoie s\u0103 \u0219tii c\u0103 momentele \u00een care un copil se confrunt\u0103 cu sup\u0103rarea p\u0103rintelui: voce aspr\u0103, ton ridicat\/urlat, cuvinte t\u0103ioase, el simte c\u0103 pierde contactul cu mama sau cu tata. Pierderea aceasta a contactului, pentru orice copil, dar cu prec\u0103dere pentru cei cu o stim\u0103 de sine sc\u0103zut\u0103, pentru cei care au suferit o traum\u0103, poate avea efecte catasatrofale. \u0218i chiar nu e exagerare. Practic, copilul simte c\u0103 nu merit\u0103 afec\u021biunea nim\u0103nui. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>\u00cen al patrulea r\u00e2nd,<\/strong> tu esti sup\u0103rat-iti manifesti sup\u0103rarea c\u0103tre copil cum te apuc\u0103 (urli, strigi, dai din m\u00e2ini, pate chiar si din picioare, \u00ee\u021bi dai ochii peste cap)- copilul reac\u021bioneaz\u0103. \u00cen dou\u0103 feluri: ori se retrage (i se acentueaz\u0103 starea de ru\u0219ine- \u0219i principiul 3 descrie foarte bine de ce nu ajut\u0103 starea psihologic\u0103 de rusine) ori atac\u0103 \u00een mod direct afi\u0219\u00e2nd furie, arogan\u021b\u0103, aparent\u0103 nep\u0103sare ( stare care are acela\u0219i rol- s\u0103 \u021bin\u0103 rusinea la distan\u021b\u0103). Niciuna dintre cele dou\u0103 variante nu e de dorit. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Dup\u0103 aceste patru puncte s-ar putea s\u0103 \u00ee\u021bi pui m\u00e2inile-n cap \u0219i s\u0103 spui: \u201eBine, bine! dar din moment ce \u00eemi este imposibil s\u0103 nu simt sup\u0103rarea atunci c\u00e2nd copilul face diverse chestii, dar aceast\u0103 sup\u0103rare poate fi atat de nociv\u0103 pentru copilul meu, ce m\u0103 fac?  iau direct bilet la balamuc si pentru mine dar si pentru el, \u0219i m\u0103car \u0219tiu o treab\u0103.\u201d Nu, nu! \u0218i \u00een acest caz, precum \u0219i c\u00e2nd e vorba de laud\u0103 sau de critic\u0103, avem la \u00eendem\u00e2n\u0103 o variant\u0103 s\u0103n\u0103toas\u0103. Iat\u0103: <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Sup\u0103rarea afectuoas\u0103 nu e d\u0103un\u0103toare! <\/strong>Cum ne sup\u0103r\u0103m afectuos? <\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong><em>\u021binem sup\u0103rarea sub control<\/em><\/strong>: pauza de care vorbeam mai sus, c\u00e2nd sim\u021bi c\u0103 valurile furiei te \u00eeneac\u0103;<\/li><li><em><strong>comentariile pe care le faci se refer\u0103 la fapt\u0103, <\/strong><\/em>f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103 \u00eel ataci pe copil : \u201eM\u0103 sup\u0103r\u0103 tare c\u0103 ai vorbit ur\u00e2t\/\u00eempins\/spart\u201d- orice o fi f\u0103cut copilul p\u0103gubos. Sau \u201eM\u0103 deranjeaz\u0103 tare c\u0103 te compor\u021bi a\u0219a\u201d- si nume\u0219ti concret comportamentul cu pricina. <\/li><li><strong><em>nu \u00eel amenin\u021bi cu retragerea afec\u021biunii tale<\/em><\/strong>. Deci te ab\u021bii de la replici precum \u201eNu te mai iubesc cand faci asta! \/ Nu vreau s\u0103 te mai v\u0103d, du-te \u00een camera ta!\u201d \u0219i altele de acest gen. Dac\u0103 chiar te-au apucat pandaliile \u0219i nu mai supor\u021bi s\u0103-\u021bi vezi progenitura (\u0219i asta ni se \u00eentampl\u0103), ie\u0219i tu din camera respectiv\u0103, spun\u00e2ndu-i: \u201eAm nevoie s\u0103 ies pu\u021bin. M\u0103 simt foarte furios\/sup\u0103rat\/enervat. Vin \u00eenapoi. \u201d <\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Partea cea mai fain\u0103 cu manifestarea \u00een acest mod a sup\u0103r\u0103rii este c\u0103 te oblig\u0103 pe tine, adult, s\u0103 cre\u0219ti personal, s\u0103 te dezvol\u021bi. Practic, cultivi o stare pozitiv\u0103 \u0219i \u00een copil, dar \u0219i \u00een tine: cre\u0219te \u0219i se dezvolt\u0103 armonios toat\u0103 familia.  Copiii pot s\u0103 suporte tipul acesta de sup\u0103rare, ba chiar \u00eenva\u021b\u0103 din ea cum s\u0103 \u00ee\u0219i manifeste \u0219i ei sup\u0103rarea \u00eentr-un mod&#8230; productiv. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>De c\u00e2nd m\u0103 sup\u0103r \u00een mod afectuos am observat c\u0103 b\u0103ie\u021belul meu  face acela\u0219i lucru, c\u00e2nd e sup\u0103rat: tot mai des nume\u0219te clar comportamentul care \u00eel sup\u0103r\u0103, f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103 se mai refere la persoan\u0103. \u00centr-o zi o s\u0103 ajung\u0103 \u0219i s\u0103 fac\u0103 referire exclusiv la comportamentul care \u00eel deranjeaz\u0103, sunt sigur\u0103. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>A\u0219a c\u0103, dac\u0103 tot te superi, f\u0103-o \u00eentr-un mod&#8230; afectuos! <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>A.N <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Suntem aproape de finalul seriei de articole dedicate celor cinci principii care ne vor \u00eembun\u0103t\u0103\u021bi rela\u021bia cu proprii copii. Azi,&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1139,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[96,1],"tags":[18,517,520,519,412,516,518],"class_list":["post-1137","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-raboiul-de-tesut-povesti","category-https-blog-andreaneag-com-tagcoachingpentruperformanta","tag-atitudine","tag-calm","tag-contact","tag-furie","tag-nervi","tag-suparare","tag-taraboi","post-archive"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.andreaneag.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1137","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.andreaneag.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.andreaneag.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.andreaneag.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.andreaneag.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1137"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/blog.andreaneag.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1137\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1150,"href":"https:\/\/blog.andreaneag.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1137\/revisions\/1150"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.andreaneag.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/1139"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.andreaneag.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1137"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.andreaneag.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1137"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.andreaneag.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1137"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}