{"id":1124,"date":"2020-03-29T11:12:23","date_gmt":"2020-03-29T11:12:23","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.andreaneag.com\/?p=1124"},"modified":"2020-03-29T11:12:23","modified_gmt":"2020-03-29T11:12:23","slug":"copilul-nu-intra-la-judecata","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blog.andreaneag.com\/?p=1124","title":{"rendered":"Copilul nu intr\u0103 la judecat\u0103"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Dup\u0103 principiul nr 1, despre care g\u0103sesti detalii aici: <a rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" aria-label=\" (opens in a new tab)\" href=\"https:\/\/blog.andreaneag.com\/?p=1117\" target=\"_blank\">https:\/\/blog.andreaneag.com\/?p=1117<\/a> , iat\u0103 c\u0103 azi \u00ee\u021bi aduc \u00een atentie principiul num\u0103rul 2:<strong><em> Copilul nu intr\u0103 la judecata adultului<\/em><\/strong> sau, a\u0219a cum este prezentat \u00een cartea lui Gabor Mate: p\u0103rintele nu \u00eel judec\u0103 pe copil. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Critica din partea p\u0103rintelui are efect puternic negativ asupra copilului, iar dac\u0103 e vorba despre un copil cu o stim\u0103 de sine redus\u0103, aceast\u0103 critic\u0103 este devastatoare. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Se poate s\u0103 critic\u0103m f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103 ne d\u0103m seama, dar oricum, asta nu e o scuz\u0103. O mai bun\u0103 con\u0219tientizare a modului \u00een care g\u00e2ndim ca p\u0103rinte, a a\u0219tept\u0103rilor pe care le avem fa\u021b\u0103 de copiii no\u0219tri, ne poate ajuta s\u0103 oprim critica la timp. Gabor Mate spune c\u0103 e mai indicat s\u0103 \u00ee\u021bi mu\u0219ti limba dec\u00e2t s\u0103 roste\u0219ti un comentariu critic. Poate c\u0103 unii dintre noi am face g\u0103uri \u00een limb\u0103 de la at\u00e2ta mu\u0219cat. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Dac\u0103 \u00eel auzi pe copilul t\u0103u spun\u00e2nd \u201esunt r\u0103u!\u201d , \u201esunt prost!\u201d , \u201enu stiu s\u0103 fac nimic\u201d , sau dac\u0103 are tendin\u021ba de a da vina \u00eentotdeauna pe al\u021bii \u201eX este r\u0103u\/r\u0103ut\u0103cios cu mine\u201d, e timpul s\u0103 iei m\u0103suri. Aceste expresii auto-denigratoare \u00ee\u021bi arat\u0103 c\u0103 al t\u0103u copil este \u00eempotmolit \u00een sentimentul ru\u0219inii. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow\">\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\"><p>Ce e de f\u0103cut?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\"><p> \u00cen primul r\u00e2nd, nu are rost s\u0103 folose\u0219ti logica pentru a combate aceast\u0103 auto-denigrare a copilului.  Sentimentul ru\u0219inii nu apare \u00een emisfera st\u00e2ng\u0103 a creierului (cea responsabil\u0103, printre altele \u0219i cu logica g\u00e2ndirii) a\u0219a c\u0103 degeaba \u00eencerci prin mijloace verbale s\u0103 o elimini. <\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\"><p>Ideea este s\u0103 opre\u0219ti alimentarea ru\u0219inii la copil: opre\u0219te-te din a face lucruri prin care copilul se simte deficient, defect, insuficient. <\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\"><p>Mare aten\u021bie la tonul pe care \u00eel folose\u0219ti.  Dac\u0103 vrei cu adev\u0103rat s\u0103 \u00ee\u021bi aju\u021bi copilul, atitudinea \u0219i implicit tonul pe care \u00eel folosesti e nevoie s\u0103 fie plin de afec\u021biune. <\/p><p>\u00cen\u021belege \u0219i accept\u0103 vulnerabilitatea copilului. Nu \u0219tiu ce vise \u0219i idei \u00ee\u021bi faci vizavi de propriul copil, dar e cazul s\u0103 \u00eel accepti fix a\u0219a cum e \u0219i s\u0103 \u00eel iube\u0219ti pentru fix ceea ce este, nu pentru ce speri tu s\u0103 devin\u0103. <\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>Ce mi se pare mie personal cel mai important din acest principiu este faptul c\u0103 ai no\u0219tri copii trebuie s\u0103 simt\u0103 c\u0103 acceptarea lor de c\u0103tre p\u0103rin\u021bi nu depinde de c\u00e2t de bine fac ei ceva. Aceast\u0103 acceptare nu este amenin\u021bat\u0103 de o performan\u021b\u0103 slab\u0103. Acceptarea exist\u0103, pur \u0219i simplu. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\"><p>Astfel, copiii devin tot mai deschi\u0219i la ajutor sau \u00eenv\u0103\u021bare \u00een domeniile \u00een care au dificult\u0103\u021bi.  De ce? <\/p><p>Findc\u0103 scap\u0103 de fric\u0103! Copiii simt c\u0103 neajunsurile pe care le au nu le amenin\u021b\u0103 rela\u021bia cu p\u0103rintele. Chiar \u0219i noi adul\u021bii suntem paralizati de frica de multe ori \u00een via\u021b\u0103: frica de e\u0219ec, frica de a nu fi suficient, frica de nu ne ridica la \u00een\u0103l\u021bimea a\u0219tep\u0103rilor, \u0219i multe alte frici. <\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p>\u0218tiu, noi adul\u021bii credem c\u0103 le \u0219tim pe toate. Dar te invit s\u0103 la\u0219i loc \u0219i pentru posibilitatea de a nu fi a\u0219a. Prive\u0219te-\u021bi copilul cu bun\u0103tate \u0219i acceptare, indiferent de ceea ce face. A\u0219a vei g\u0103si mai repede drumul pentru a \u00eendrepta ce este de \u00eendreptat. P\u00e2n\u0103 la urm\u0103, copilul sau copii pe care \u00eei ai se bazeaz\u0103 pe tine. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>A.N <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Dup\u0103 principiul nr 1, despre care g\u0103sesti detalii aici: https:\/\/blog.andreaneag.com\/?p=1117 , iat\u0103 c\u0103 azi \u00ee\u021bi aduc \u00een atentie principiul num\u0103rul&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1129,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[96,1],"tags":[509,91,507,451,511,510,46,508,222,503],"class_list":["post-1124","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-raboiul-de-tesut-povesti","category-https-blog-andreaneag-com-tagcoachingpentruperformanta","tag-acceptare","tag-copii","tag-critica","tag-frica","tag-gabor-mate","tag-invatare","tag-iubire","tag-judecata","tag-parinte","tag-principii","post-archive"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.andreaneag.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1124","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.andreaneag.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.andreaneag.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.andreaneag.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.andreaneag.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1124"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/blog.andreaneag.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1124\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1131,"href":"https:\/\/blog.andreaneag.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1124\/revisions\/1131"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.andreaneag.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/1129"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.andreaneag.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1124"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.andreaneag.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1124"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.andreaneag.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1124"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}